How I Feel When I Eat A Cupcake

It seems like a lot of other adults I know don't really like cupcakes that much. I sometimes feel a little odd when I am around cupcakes, myself. It's part cautious as I don't want to seem too eager to jump on the cupcakes and seem too greedy and it's part shame as I scan the area for children, for whom the cupcakes were probably intended.

That said, I do discriminate among cupcakes. Not all of them are created equally and most of them are not that great. For example, there is a very famous bakery here in New York named after a certain type of tree. I won't say which but it rhymes with Mongolia. Actually - that's a lie. It doesn't rhyme with Mongolia but it almost does; but it's not Asian in any way. Anyway, the point is the cupcakes there look amazing but they don't taste so good. Too dry. They probably comply with that crappy "no trans fat" law we have in New York. Our toothpick mayor thinks we need to be healthier. Whatever. So, the "Mongolian" cupcakes don't do it for me.

I was walking up a certain street in Midtown East when I used to live there one sunny afternoon. I passed a place that actually had the name 'cupcake' in it! I was pleased as pie. (I love pie too.) I then proceeded to pay $1.90 for a friggin' cupcake. Not a big one, mind you. A normal-sized cupcake. It was puuurdy. But it tasted like nothing I'd ever tasted before...especially a cupcake. It was crap.

People laugh at me but for me the best cupcakes are the ones my mom and/or my sisters used to make. They weren't even from scratch. They were simple Duncan Heins Moist Delux cupcakes! Yellow, Devil's Food, Marble - whatever. They were the best! I love that store-bought icing as well. I HATE when people make it themselves and it just tastes like sugar. The only substitute I can handle is preserves or jelly with coconut or maybe melted chocolate on top of a mini bundt cake. Just give me the damn store-bought preservative-laden stuff. It just tastes so goooood.

I made some cupcakes today for my wife's birthday. Her birthday isn't today but I couldn't wait. I really wanted one. I eagerly watched them baking through the oven door and the smell was making my belly churn. When they were cooling I was like an expectant father pacing the floor for his newborn jelly donut...I mean, bouncing bundle of joy. (That jelly donut comment was purely for effect. I HATE jelly donuts.) I couldn't help but stick my fingers in the container as I spread the gooey chocolate icing on the now-cooled yellow cupcakes. Mmmmm. S u g a r. I love it with all my heart.

I often eat the cupcakes before they are totally cooled and they don't taste as good like that but I simply can't wait. I did that today too. Kind of a waste of one perfectly good cupcake. After I ate it I was unsatisfied and I started to worry that the child had left my body - that I was losing my inner niño. But, thank God, I ate another one when the cooled and it rocked. I felt satisfied from the inside out. I had the proper flashback to birthday's of old - like the time when my mom baked like 100 cupcakes for my entire 2nd grade class and she wrote my name is blue icing on all the cupcakes. It was like I was some kind of cupcake celebrity! We had so many we had to invite the 1st grade to share them. Of course I could've eaten at least 20 by myself. I'd have gotten sick, but who cares. Those were some cupcakes. That was a great day. Each time I eat a cupcakes I remember that day. That, combined with the fact that they just taste so damn awesome, makes eating cupcakes a truly blissful experience for me. Enough said.